Learning to Appreciate
April 20, 2011
Yes, we all know we have so much to be grateful for ... but then someone cuts us off, a loved one is cranky or demanding with us, or FILL IN THE BLANK happens, and our minds are off and running to ... Florida.
Let me explain: My yoga teacher recently gave the example of picturing a map of the USA and deciding your goal destination. Hers was Seattle. The more happiness she could cultivate, the closer she would be to her goal, or Seattle. The more unhappiness, the further away she would be, and in this case the opposite on the map is Florida. If you don't quite make it to Seattle, your positive thoughts will get you much closer than harboring negative ones. And you avoid Florida (ouch!).
So how do you become someone who actively seeks out the good in every situation and manages to find something of value in just about any circumstance, even when it’s far from obvious? Incorporate these four steps into your daily yoga practice and you'll become more appreciative in no time.
1. Cultivate mindfulness. Start by gauging how appreciative you currently are. You can easily figure this out by listening to what you say when someone asks "How are you? How's your day going?"
2. Play the “appreciation game.” Make a game of seeing how many things you can find to appreciate in every situation, good and bad. For example, instead of dwelling on conflicts that occur, appreciate the loving relationships you share with friends and family.
3. Be authentic. Don't express gratitude for services unrendered or nonexistent support. You've got to feel genuine appreciation for it to have an impact. Say your friend suggests you meet for dinner and a movie, and it was nice to see her, but the food was terrible and the film was even worse. If you say, "What a great evening," you're not being truthful. It's better to be sincere and focus on what you did appreciate by saying something like "I enjoyed our chat over dinner. It's great to share time together."
4. Pay attention to behaviors you value. When you focus on what you like about your family, friends, and coworkers you’ll feel more positive toward them and things that bother you will seem less important. When your significant other is in a bad mood, try not to take it personally and remind yourself of everything you appreciate about him or her and your relationship. This will help steady you during those times your SO is asking for a pop on the nose.
See you Seattle!
Let me explain: My yoga teacher recently gave the example of picturing a map of the USA and deciding your goal destination. Hers was Seattle. The more happiness she could cultivate, the closer she would be to her goal, or Seattle. The more unhappiness, the further away she would be, and in this case the opposite on the map is Florida. If you don't quite make it to Seattle, your positive thoughts will get you much closer than harboring negative ones. And you avoid Florida (ouch!).
So how do you become someone who actively seeks out the good in every situation and manages to find something of value in just about any circumstance, even when it’s far from obvious? Incorporate these four steps into your daily yoga practice and you'll become more appreciative in no time.
1. Cultivate mindfulness. Start by gauging how appreciative you currently are. You can easily figure this out by listening to what you say when someone asks "How are you? How's your day going?"
2. Play the “appreciation game.” Make a game of seeing how many things you can find to appreciate in every situation, good and bad. For example, instead of dwelling on conflicts that occur, appreciate the loving relationships you share with friends and family.
3. Be authentic. Don't express gratitude for services unrendered or nonexistent support. You've got to feel genuine appreciation for it to have an impact. Say your friend suggests you meet for dinner and a movie, and it was nice to see her, but the food was terrible and the film was even worse. If you say, "What a great evening," you're not being truthful. It's better to be sincere and focus on what you did appreciate by saying something like "I enjoyed our chat over dinner. It's great to share time together."
4. Pay attention to behaviors you value. When you focus on what you like about your family, friends, and coworkers you’ll feel more positive toward them and things that bother you will seem less important. When your significant other is in a bad mood, try not to take it personally and remind yourself of everything you appreciate about him or her and your relationship. This will help steady you during those times your SO is asking for a pop on the nose.
See you Seattle!
Posted by Sally Lane. Posted In : Positive Psychology
